Owning My Emotions

This week has been an exercise in owning my emotions.  It's incredibly easy for me (and most of you I would suspect) to eat when I'm bored, sad, stressed, angry, upset, disappointed, lonely, happy, celebrating, fill in the bank, etc.

This week I tried something different.  I have been owning my feelings, sitting with them...feeling them. It is INCREDIBLY hard.  I don't want to hurt. I don't want to feel anxious, like I'm about to crawl my way out of my skin.  I don't want to be sad.  I have always been very emotional. When my kids hurt, I feel it.  I cry at movies, performances, concerts and commercials.  I stop breathing during intense movies .

I started this because of the show Hoarders on A&E.  Almost everyone featured on that show are not able or willing to deal with their emotions.  For example, on the last show, Todd hates to feel anxious and avoids any chance of feeling anxious.  By filling his time with gaming or his collections he delays having to deal with anxiety.

Same goes for a number of people on the show...those who are avoiding feeling fill the void by shopping and acquiring things...these "things" serve as a wall, both physically and emotionally.  One of the women asked a hoarder how he felt as he sorted and threw out thousands of pounds of trash.  His answer...vulnerable.

I also hoard but I hoard weight.  The extra pounds are my protection from perceived danger.  If lose them, I'm not prepared (which is one of the worst things to be when you dread anxiety).  I will be vulnerable.  And I'm afraid.

To be continued in part 2 tomorrow...